If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize