We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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