Don't you send me to vm
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
