Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
