I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
