OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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