Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
