I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize