if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
