Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
