This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
