i love accidental penises.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
