do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
