how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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