no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
