xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
