She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
