im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
