I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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