Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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