First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
