I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
