Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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