I bet he comes in French.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
