I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Found the puke drawer
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
