i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
