Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
