ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
