plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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