Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
so let's talk penis.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
