you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
