Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
