whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
