But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
