I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
