new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
