Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
