i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
