The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
