But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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