I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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