You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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