the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
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