I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize