I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
