Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just had sex on a roof
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
