Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
