Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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