Pregnant stripper...not hot.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
