If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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