dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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