He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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