you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
