I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
