Having a random hookup so left but love u
Screwed.edu
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
There's always time for handjobs
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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