WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
