you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
