just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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