Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
