So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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