She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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