today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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