seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
