we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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