My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
