did you get engaged???
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I think people are normalizing furries
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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