Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
