Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
