I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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