If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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