Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
