I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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