so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
