I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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