; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize