New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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