first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
