my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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